It seems that the story is funny for many people. But the reality: having eyes that are not synonymous with seeing, having a brain that is not synonymous with thinking, having ears does not mean listening. The Russian saying also has the phrase “People lose 3 years to learn to speak but it takes a lifetime to learn to listen”.
Listening is not instinct but art!
Listening requires long-term training. Listening is the most effective rhetorical skill, but few people know it. In communicating with each other, we often compete to show that few people struggle to listen. To have an effective listening skill you need to follow the following steps of the listening cycle:
1. Focus
The first factor to effectively listen to the communication partner is concentration. Concentration means that at one time only one thing is done. Many people communicate unsuccessfully because while listening to others convey the message, let other jobs interfere. As a result, messages conveyed from people to listeners do not have the same understanding. Focusing on listening is also an expression of respect for the speaker, giving the speaker more confidence to communicate more openly.
2. Attend
The speaker must have a listener, the sender must have a receiver. Attending in listening is shown by the attention of the eyes, the nods of the listeners. About words are words like: yes, yes, that’s it, really? …
3. Understand
Many communication processes took place in the context of his talking chickens, she said duck because she did not understand the message of communication. To understand the sender’s message, ask the listener to redefine the message by re-presenting the content of the speaker according to his or her understanding or by asking questions to confirm such as: I understand like this is it right? Or do you mean this …?
4. Memory skills
Anything that is copied and written, do not know what to do with inferiority is the basic principle of communication. To remember the message of the communication process you cannot remember everything that the speaker conveys. You must know how to choose the key messages that the speaker wants to convey. The best way for you to not forget the basic information of a communication is to prepare yourself a notebook and a pen before each communication. These are the most important tools to help you remember important information of a communication.
5. Listen and Respond
Communication is a two-way interaction process between senders and recipients. After receiving the message, the recipient decodes the next step of the message and needs to respond to the sender. New comrades can satisfy each other, can complete the communication process as well as listen. The following diagram describes the message response process in communication:
6. Development
Communication is not a moment is a process. The process of responding is the end of a communication and understanding cycle. Development will help the communication process to move into a new cycle. The listening cycle described above is a closed and continuous pattern that goes up and down.
Effective listening – not easy
To listen better, we must first understand how “true listening” is. Listening in effective communication not only saves time, but also complicates relationships. In learning, good listening skills are essential because listening is the basic method to gather information.
Listening is not consistent with listening.
Listening is just an unconscious human activity. We hear sounds around us but don’t necessarily understand them. Listening is different. Listening is a possibility of the nervous system. As we listen, we turn what we hear into a form that is easy to understand and use.
Many scientific studies show that we use about 45% of the communication time to listen. Even so, all the time studying and growing up we know very little about “how to listen well”. Throughout the learning process, we spend 40% of our time learning to read, 35% of the time to learn to write, 25% of the time to learn to speak and no time to learn or learn communication skills.
Most of the problems in people-to-person relations stem from weaknesses in listening skills.
Over time, we have formed bad habits when listening. For example, instead of listening, we think about what is to be said or distracted when other people talk due to paying attention to their gestures or what’s going on around them. In which the worst habit is to interrupt when other people have not finished speaking. We thought we knew what they were going to say while not knowing what they really wanted to say. Or, we just “listen to the assessment”, that is, evaluate the speaker, ignore what they say just because they don’t like their gestures or gestures or simply assume that those things are not worth listening to. Or, we just listen to what we like.
Thus, listening is not easy. It is not a passive action, but conversely, there is interaction with each other. The main goal to listen is to understand, learn, enjoy, help and support. Today, there is so much information that we often ignore what we hear. Therefore, we are distracted by others, not paying attention or communicating with them. Experts say, in the process of communication, 7% are words, 55% are nonverbal languages such as gestures, gestures and 38% are intonation, voice. Americans are considered the worst listeners in the world.
However, all bad habits can be corrected and everyone can learn to listen. It is a difficult task, requires practice but is worthy and valuable. Dr Joyce Brothers said that “listening, not imitating, is the most sincere expression of support or praise.”
Listening is an essential life skill. The first step is to decide to listen and to know when we don’t listen. Wondering “can I repeat, express or clarify what I just said?”. The answer does not mean that you have not really listened. Here are the tips for acquiring listening skills:
- Prepare to listen by focusing your attention on the speaker.
- Avoid watching TV, looking out the window or around.
- Create eye contact by looking at the speaker.
- Look straight at the speaker to understand the words without words.
- Seeing the speaker help them know that we are really listening and thus communicate better.
- Respond to the speaker by nodding, leaning forward or smiling.
- These signs show listening attentively.
Memories that help you improve your listening art:
Absolutely do not talk privately or interrupt the speaker
A good listener must know how to give time to others to express their personal opinions. When you want to say something, wait for the person to finish the sentence and stop for a moment. This stop allows us to review what we have just presented as well as the speaker to consider our listening. Pay attention to every word of the speaker because we think and listen to 1000 words / minute and the average speaking speed is 125 words / minute. Tell the speaker that we are listening attentively with words like “ah”, “uh”, “is that so”, “then how” …
Avoid judgment or conclusion
Most of the reasons for not listening are too focused on personal experiences and not paying enough attention to others. Avoid being a passive listener, instead, try comparing your own opinions and the speaker’s listening. Try not to overpower or interrupt the speaker. Don’t ignore your ears or underestimate what is said.
Listen and learn the meaning
Listen and learn the meaning, pay attention to the content presented and what is not expressed by feeling through the tone, expression or gesture of the speaker. Ask questions, use questions from who, what, where, why, when to understand what the speaker wants to convey rather than just listen to their point of view. Ask again if you’re not sure about what is presented. Express in your own language and ask the speaker “do I understand that?”.
Understand yourself, know when you lose focus
Notice and overcome it. Listening is an art and also a gift. Epictetus once told the Greeks that “to make us a tongue, but to the ears, so we have to listen twice as much.” The true listeners are those who have applied this wise advice.